Wellness: Exhaustion and the Encyclopedia of Dating Disappointment

What is the "Monkey-Barring" Trend? "Monkey-barring" is a toxic dating behavior where an individual swings from one relationship to the next, never taking a break to be single.

• The person keeps a new partner "lined up" before ending their current relationship, creating a seamless transition.

• This behavior is driven by a fear of being alone and an emotional immaturity that prevents self-reflection and healing.

• It is often seen as a form of cheating, as it involves a sneaky and deceitful overlap between partners, rather than a transparent, emotionally honest process.

Why is this a trending topic? Modern Dating's Emotional Toll The proliferation of new, often negative, dating terms is a direct result of the complex and emotionally taxing landscape of modern dating.

• The rise of online dating apps: The digital format has created new avenues for emotional manipulation and disengagement, leading to the need for specific language to describe these behaviors. The sheer volume of potential partners makes it easier for individuals to treat people as disposable commodities.

• Emotional frustration and validation: Coining these terms provides a sense of shared experience and validation for those who have been on the receiving end of such behaviors. It externalizes the blame from the victim to the perpetrator and gives a name to the confusion and hurt they feel.

• Social media's role as a public forum: Platforms like Instagram and Hinge provide a stage for these behaviors to play out publicly (e.g., an ex being "monkey-barred" and seeing their former partner with someone new on social media just days later), fueling the conversation and the spread of these new buzzwords.

Overview: A Glossary of Modern Dating's Pains This article is a guide to the expanding vocabulary of toxic dating behaviors. It highlights that while the terminology is new, the underlying actions—flakiness, selfishness, and emotional immaturity—are not. The author compiles a "Dictionary of Disappointment" to help people understand and identify these patterns, which have become a defining feature of the modern dating experience. The overarching sentiment is one of exhaustion and a desire for a return to simple, decent human behavior.

Detailed Findings: A Guide to the New Dating Lexicon

• Ghosting: The sudden and complete disappearance of a person from communication without explanation.

• Banksying: A slow, deliberate emotional withdrawal from a long-term relationship until nothing is left but an outline, akin to a fading street art piece.

• Submarining: A person who ghosts, only to reappear weeks or months later with a casual "hey stranger," as if nothing happened.

• Breadcrumbing: Providing just enough minimal, intermittent communication (e.g., a "like," a quick text) to keep someone emotionally engaged without any intention of committing.

• Lovebombing: An initial, intense, and overwhelming display of affection, grand gestures, and declarations of love, which is a manipulative tactic used to gain control, often followed by a rapid emotional withdrawal.

• Gaslighting: A classic manipulative technique where someone makes another person question their own memory, feelings, or sanity to maintain control.

• Cookie-jarring: Keeping someone as a "backup option" or a "just in case" partner, like a hidden snack, without a real commitment.

• Backsliding: Re-engaging with an ex, often in a moment of weakness, only to be reminded of why the relationship ended in the first place.

• Orbiting: A person who has ended direct communication but continues to engage with a former partner's social media content (liking posts, watching stories), circling their online life.

• Slow Fade: A gradual and polite form of ghosting where communication and enthusiasm slowly wane until the relationship flatlines.

• Groundhogging: The repetitive pattern of dating the same type of person over and over, despite a history of failed relationships with that type.

• Carouselling: Being part of a person's rotation of casual flings, making one feel special while they are just one of many.

Key Success Factors of the Modern Dating Lexicon

• Relatability: The terms resonate deeply with a large audience because they describe widely experienced, frustrating, and confusing situations.

• Simplicity and memorability: The use of simple, often playful, metaphors (Tarzan, Banksy, Groundhog Day) makes the complex emotional behaviors easy to understand and remember.

• Social media amplification: The buzzwords are designed to be concise and shareable, spreading rapidly across social media platforms where users can use them to describe their own experiences and find community.

Key Takeaway: The Language of Disappointment The constant invention of new dating terms reflects the increasing emotional complexity and frustration of modern relationships, especially in the digital age. It provides a shared language for people to process and articulate their experiences with toxic behavior. However, the fundamental message is that behind the clever buzzwords are timeless acts of emotional immaturity and selfishness.

Main Trend: The Formalization of Flakiness The central trend is the formalization of toxic dating behaviors into a defined vocabulary. This signals a cultural shift where vague, hurtful actions are no longer just "things that happen" but are being categorized, named, and discussed as recognizable patterns.

Description of the trend: Codifying Modern Dating The trend is the creation and adoption of a comprehensive, and ever-expanding, glossary of terms for negative dating behaviors. This lexicon is born from the unique challenges of dating in the age of social media and dating apps, where interactions are often more fleeting, less direct, and emotionally ambiguous.

Key Characteristics of the Core Trend

• Behavioral Identification: The trend is characterized by the act of pinpointing specific, previously unnamed, toxic behaviors (like monkey-barring) and giving them a distinct identity.

• Public Dialogue: These terms foster a public conversation around mental and emotional health in dating, empowering individuals to call out bad behavior.

• Shared Experience: The lexicon creates a sense of community and shared suffering among people who feel exhausted by the modern dating scene.

• Cultural Commentary: The terminology acts as a form of cultural commentary, reflecting the anxieties and frustrations inherent in an app-driven, low-commitment dating culture.

Market and Cultural Signals Supporting the Trend

• The "Independent Women's Media" Landscape: The article itself is a signal, published by Mamamia, a platform that caters to and empowers women. The focus on female-centric perspectives and experiences in dating is a clear market signal for media companies.

• The "Full-Time Job" of Dating: The article's opening line, "Dating is already a full-time job," captures a widespread cultural sentiment of exhaustion and overwhelm with the process, which is a direct result of these confusing and frustrating trends.

• The "Dictionary of Disappointment": The very existence of such a guide indicates that the prevalence of these behaviors is high enough to warrant a formal list, much like a dictionary of a new language.

• Rise of Self-Care and Mental Health Discourse: The trend is supported by a broader cultural focus on mental health, setting boundaries, and protecting one's emotional well-being. People are more aware of, and less willing to tolerate, toxic behaviors.

What is consumer motivation?

• Seeking clarity and validation: Consumers are motivated to understand these terms to make sense of confusing and hurtful experiences. Naming the behavior provides a sense of validation that "it's not just me."

• Empowerment: Knowing the vocabulary gives consumers the tools to identify red flags, articulate their feelings, and set boundaries, empowering them to take control of their dating lives.

• Community and Connection: The use of this shared lexicon allows individuals to connect with others who have had similar experiences, reducing feelings of isolation and providing a support network.

What is motivation beyond the trend?

• Deeper emotional processing: Beyond just identifying the trends, the motivation is to encourage people to reflect on the deeper psychological reasons behind the behaviors. For example, monkey-barring is not just an action, it's a symptom of a fear of being alone.

• A desire for authenticity: The underlying motivation for the author and the consumer is a yearning for genuine, emotionally honest connections, a stark contrast to the performative and superficial nature of many of these trends.

• Self-preservation: The ultimate motivation is emotional self-preservation. Learning these terms is a defensive strategy to protect oneself from repeated heartbreak and manipulation.

Descriptions of consumers:

• Consumer Summary: Based on the article and general cultural context, the consumers are likely to be frustrated, self-aware, and emotionally mature individuals who are navigating the complexities of modern dating. They are seeking tools for empowerment and are tired of the game-playing. They are not the ones exhibiting these toxic behaviors but are the recipients of them. Their conclusion is one of exhaustion and a desire for authentic connection. They are seeking to "unsubscribe from toxic behavior altogether."

• Who are they?: Individuals actively engaged in the dating scene, particularly through apps and social media. They are likely self-identified as "independent women" or allies who are tired of a dating culture that seems to favor toxic behavior.

• What is their age?: Primarily Millennials and Gen Z, given their fluency with social media and digital communication, which is where these trends are most prevalent.

• What is their gender?: The article is explicitly from a female perspective, and the consumers are primarily women, although the behaviors and terms are gender-neutral in their application.

• What is their income?: Income is not a primary factor, but they are likely to be financially independent, as the article targets a demographic that values independence and subscribes to media platforms.

• What is their lifestyle?: Their lifestyle is modern, digitally integrated, and likely fast-paced. They are juggling careers, social lives, and the "full-time job" of dating, which adds to their exhaustion. They value mental and emotional health.

How the Trend Is Changing Consumer Behavior

• Increased skepticism and discernment: Consumers are becoming more cautious and quicker to identify red flags. They are less likely to excuse ambiguous or manipulative behavior.

• Shift from passive to active participants: Armed with this new vocabulary, consumers are moving from being passive victims to active participants who can name, and therefore challenge, toxic behavior.

• Higher demand for authenticity: The frustration with these trends is creating a market for dating apps and platforms that prioritize genuine connections and emotional transparency.

• Prioritizing self-worth: The discussion around these terms encourages consumers to prioritize their own emotional well-being and to not settle for a "backup snack" or a "carousel" ride.

Implications of the Trend Across the Ecosystem

• For Consumers: Increased emotional intelligence and a more critical eye towards potential partners. The ability to articulate and set boundaries. A potential for dating fatigue and cynicism.

• For Brands and CPGs: Opportunities to create content and products that resonate with this audience's frustrations. Brands can position themselves as advocates for mental health and authentic connection. Dating apps can build features that address and mitigate these toxic trends.

• For Retailers: Not directly impacted, but lifestyle brands that focus on wellness, self-care, and personal growth can use this trend in their messaging to connect with consumers.

Strategic Forecast: The Rise of Ethical Dating

• The market will pivot towards "conscious" and "ethical" dating: As these toxic trends reach a saturation point, there will be a growing demand for platforms and services that promise emotional safety, transparency, and a focus on long-term compatibility over casual flings.

• Brands will become social commentators: Brands will move beyond simple advertising and become commentators on social issues, using this new dating lexicon to show they "get" their audience's struggles.

• New app features will emerge to combat toxic behaviors: Dating apps may introduce features to verify user intentions, encourage clearer communication, or even provide in-app resources for emotional support.

• The lexicon will continue to expand: As human behavior evolves, so will the language used to describe it. We can expect more buzzwords to emerge, but they will likely follow the same pattern of naming and formalizing negative behaviors.

Areas of Innovation

• Verification and Transparency: Dating app features that require users to be more transparent about their intentions (e.g., "seeking long-term relationship," "open to casual dating") to reduce ambiguity and "carouselling."

• Pre-emptive Education: In-app guides or short videos that educate users on common toxic behaviors like "monkey-barring" and "breadcrumbing" to help them identify red flags early.

• Emotional Wellness Integration: Partnerships with mental health services or in-app tools that encourage users to take breaks from dating or to reflect on their emotional state after a bad experience.

• "Authenticity" Badges: Systems that reward users for genuine and respectful behavior, such as responding to messages promptly, showing up for dates, and being clear about their intentions.

• Story-driven Matchmaking: Moving beyond quick swipes and focusing on narrative profiles that give a deeper sense of a person's character and values, making "groundhogging" more difficult.

Summary of Trends:

• Core Consumer Trend: The "Emotional Exhaustion" trend, where consumers are overwhelmed by the manipulative and ambiguous behaviors of modern dating and are actively seeking a more straightforward and emotionally healthy approach.

• Core Social Trend: The "Codification of Toxicity," which involves the cultural act of naming and defining previously unspoken toxic behaviors, creating a shared language for a collective experience.

• Core Strategy: The "Empowerment Through Language" strategy, where the creation of a dating lexicon empowers consumers to identify, articulate, and reject negative patterns, shifting the power dynamic in their relationships.

• Core Industry Trend: The "Pivot to Authenticity," where the dating industry is being pushed by consumer demand to innovate towards platforms and services that prioritize genuine connection, emotional safety, and transparency over superficial metrics.

• Core Consumer Motivation: The "Search for Decency," a deep-seated motivation that goes beyond avoiding toxic trends and expresses a fundamental yearning for partners who are simply honest, respectful, and emotionally mature.

Final Thought: Beyond the Buzzwords The rise of the "monkey-barring" trend and its ilk serves as a stark reminder that while the tools of dating have changed, the core human desires for connection, respect, and authenticity have not. The new dating lexicon, for all its cleverness, is less a sign of a new kind of hell and more a testament to the old one—the pain of being treated as disposable. The exhaustion felt by the modern dater is a powerful market signal, indicating a collective refusal to continue playing a game that is rigged in favor of the emotionally unavailable. The true trend is not the buzzwords themselves, but the growing demand for a world where "being a decent human" is the only label that matters.

Source: https://www.mamamia.com.au/dating-trend-dictionary/